Attachment styles and strategies develop in childhood and carry into adulthood. Insecure attachment develops when one’s primary parent/caregiver is intentionally or unintentionally misattuned towards a child’s physical and emotional needs. Insecure attachment also forms when parents/caregivers are chaotic, abusive, or neglectful. The misattunement, chaos, abuse, and neglect in childhood creates a template for how one views self and others and how one operates in relationships. Insecurely attached people develop strategies of self-protective behaviors based on a continuum of avoidance and anxiety which constitute the three types of insecure attachment: anxious/preoccupied, avoidant/dismissive, and disorganized/fearful-avoidant.
Insecure anxious/preoccupied attachment is high on anxiety and low on avoidance. Those with insecure anxious/preoccupied attachment style often experience fear of abandonment and neglect and have a strong need for reassurance and validation. Other common characteristics of anxious attachment are hypervigilance in relationships, clinginess and neediness, overdependence on partners, and emotional instability. Insecure-anxious attached people view themselves as unloveable and others as unreliable.
Insecure avoidant/dismissive attachment is high on avoidance and low on anxiety. Those with insecure avoidant/dismissive attachment style often have a fear of rejection with a strong need for distance and separation in relationships. Other common characteristics of avoidant attachment style are avoiding commitment, preferring to be alone when distressed or upset, low self-esteem, and difficulty accepting criticism. Insecure-avoidant attached people view themselves as not good enough and others as unreliable.
Insecure disorganized/fearful-avoidant attachment is high on avoidance and anxiety. Those with this type of attachment style experience the “push-pull” dynamic in relationships where one alternates between seeking extreme closeness and then pushing away. Some common characteristics of insecure disorganized attachment style are difficulty trusting others, unpredictable emotions, intense fear of abandonment or rejection, and sending mixed signals in romantic relationships. Insecure-disorganized people see themselves as unloveable and unworthy. They often view others as dangerous and not to be trusted while simultaneously wanting to be close.
